she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
