you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
