I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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