BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
