I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize