i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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