I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
