Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
