god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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