it was like eating out sand paper
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
