I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
