So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I think my moral compass just broke
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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