It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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