I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
