Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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