im about as happy as oj after his trial
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
