We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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