Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
