i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize