Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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