His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
