If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
