I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
