I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
