I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
