Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
