2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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