He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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