a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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