We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
