shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
