Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
