She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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