where am i from again
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
