Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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