I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Please don't give away my fajitas
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