3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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