p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
