Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
