first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
