So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
