She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize