Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
