Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
