I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
