I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize