FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
