So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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