Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
