I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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