it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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