Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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