Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
