I just threw up on my dentist
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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