I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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