I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
