My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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