No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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