her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize