Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
