I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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