Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
