you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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