He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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