I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
