I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
