you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How does one acquire holy water?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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