you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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