My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
