Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
