lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
