I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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