She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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