Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
