I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
