You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
