No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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