worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
