he thought i was a dude.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
