ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
