Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
