Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
one might say we're banned from that church
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
