just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize