Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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