It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sorry about my life...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
