So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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