Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
