I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
