I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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