Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
