Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
