By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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