I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
