He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dignity is for republicans.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
not ubering you a puppy
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
