I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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