another moral hangover. fuck.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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