I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i came on her dog
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
