Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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